So today started as an okay day, getting started with my day to get things done. My mind started thinking about you, more and more I guess because I was thinking I had group meeting and I was subconsciously preparing to cry and just got emotional. Come to find out, it isn't today, I guess I'm not thinking clearly. I felt like crying, so I let loose. I always let loose when I am alone in my truck. I miss you so much, I can't seem to stop feeling like this. No one understands! Everyone thinks it's been a year and I should be like normal and get over it but I can't. I won't! I miss you too much, I don't like that you are gone and I can't do anything about it. Everyone thinks that I loved you more than your brothers, I love them just as much but what I miss about you babygirl is that I will not have anymore firsts, anymore memories, anymore future with you. It should have been me, I deserve to do die 10 times more than you do. You were just starting out your life and you were gonna have so much of a bright future, because I knew how much passion you had for others, animals and helping all. I have been off of FB for the fear of seeing everyone happy with their lives and I'm here broken without you. I have just gotten on and see all the reminders of everyone posting when everyone's posting about your passing. It hurts so much to see this and not have your here in my arms or sharing stupid jokes or watching silly movies like we used to and eating the Mexican popcorn that we loved. Everyday here is so miserable, I live like a zombie trying to get by on my days, trying to study my information for my new job but it is so difficult to stay focused and not think of you. I miss you every second of everyday and I feel so alone in my head sometimes that no one understands. I had someone that did understand me for a bit but it changed quickly. Please come see me when you have a chance, I hope you like your butterfly release that we had for you babygirl. It was so difficult that day, truthfully that whole week. Miss you mucho mucho! I love you more, no I love you more!!