People often ask, how am I doing? What can they do or what can they say to make me feel better? To us, the ones that have lost a child that question can be tiresome at times since EVERYONE asks it. Well what I often say is that "I am Okay", truthfully my heart is broken! She took a huge part of my heart with her. I don't tell many people that part though for the fear of getting people's sympathy or their" I am so sorry for bringing it up".
As I am always reading NOW that is, I never used to read but I don't know how to live, or what to do with what I feel I have been reading. I read that our feelings are ever-changing. Some days are filled with grief, shock, trauma, pain and millions of unanswered questions, while other days the loneliness, betrayal, isolation, anger and despair are too much for a survivor to process. And, in the midst of all this pain, to feel alone and believe that nobody understands us is sometimes just too much as we contemplate our own suicide. Truthfully, I know that I think about taking my own life at times when it is a bad day and being so new or young to this, I am having a hard time with processing or dealing with my feelings. I know that I CANNOT take my life because I know what that feels like when a loved one does and I wouldn't want to do that to my loved ones. As a parent, I know that I would have ripped my heart out to give it to her just so she would live on, I would have given her anything.
Unfortunately, nothing on this planet can restore my broken heart!💔💔💔💔
I am not going to give up, I am going to try and be strong and live on, what I say here is what I feel, what I think. I am NOT going to take my life, although at times it does seem that I may hint that? I won't! I would welcome death at any time though!
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